Tale of the Evil Toasters

Technology. What a wonderful thing. It makes our lives easier, enabling us to have warm toasty bread with minimal effort It is however, just a matter of time before it turns on us. In the event your toaster or any small appliance, for that matter develops a malevolent sentience - well, at-least mine has. 

This is not a tale of your run-of-the-mill happy toasters, as you can guess, but Evil Toasters, who have come from another planet to destroy us all.

A few days ago my toaster went haywire. It all began one Saturday night. It was time for dinner and as per my little brothers request I decided to make our usual pizza sandwiches. I first put the bread in the toaster; little did I know what it would lead to. I went inside the room for a while and facebooked. A few seconds later, I smelt smoke and alarmed, I ran to the kitchen. Gosh, the whole kitchen was smoky. Imagine those movie scenes when the house is burning down and you’ve got hardly a few minutes to save it all. I hurriedly took the toast out of the toaster, opened all windows and doors, and turned the exhaust fan on. Finally the smoke started dispersing out. But you should have seen the toast. It was like coal, still on fire, and it even smelt like it too.

So what I learnt from this incident is that toasters are powerful, and not to mention evil. I Thought I’d to a little research on burnt toast. And came across the shocking fact that eating burnt toast can lead to cancer: O so say all the toasters unite together and plot to kill us humans, they could indeed be very successful. So just in case they do, the following steps should be taken to kill the evil toasters.

 

First, make sure that it is in fact, malevolent and evil. You want to make sure that it isn't kind, or wants to return to it's home planet. Wait until the toaster shows some antagonistic. You don't want to harm an innocent, sentient toaster. Once the toaster behaves aggressively toward you (e.g. angry sounding hisses or snarls) it's time to take action.

       1. Stay calm. Panicking won't help you now. 

       2. Move quickly. Get a blanket, trash can or box, something that you can cover and  disorient it.

 

       3. Grab a chair, rolling pin, or any heavy device, and beat it mercilessly.

Good Luck. And Stay safe -_-

However, In the event of a deadly attack call 0800-i-am-being-attacked-by-an-evil-toaster.